


And After

by umisabaku



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, F/F, F/M, M/M, Reincarnation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-22
Updated: 2017-01-22
Packaged: 2018-09-19 03:19:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,373
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9415799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/umisabaku/pseuds/umisabaku
Summary: They remember their past lives, and all the love and pain that came before.Reincarnation!AU





	1. Himuro and Murasakibara

**Author's Note:**

> Reincarnation!AU in it's completed glory! The first two chapters appeared in my short story collection "Ephemera" but they have been slightly lengthened. Chapters 3-5 originally appeared on tumblr, and the final chapter is brand new, never before seen!

Here are the things Himuro has to remind himself: they are in a sports arena, not a battle field. The peril is the loss of a game, not the loss of lives. The goal is to form a shield around the basket, not a shield for a king.  
  
But it is hard, so hard to remember sometimes, with this man by his side. He used to be better about keeping his memories from his past life in check. When he was a child, he had a hard time differentiating memory from reality, justifiably alarming his parents. It was only after he started playing basketball that he was able to ground himself firmly in this life now. He is Himuro Tatsuya, Shooting Guard. He is no longer a knight. He no longer serves a king. He no longer has to fight.  
  
*  
  
But then he meets Murasakibara, and all those memories come crashing back down. _You. It’s you._ The shield to his sword, his partner in battle, his former love. How many lifetimes has it been, Himuro wonders, since they had last seen each other? An impossibly long time. He had spent his whole life missing someone he never expected to meet.  
  
*  
  
“A shield for every sword” was the rule of their army. For every attacker, there must be a defense. They fought as a duo at first, but then they fought as one. They were so much in sync it was like they could read each other’s minds.  
  
*  
  
And now they are here together again, playing basketball, once again a combination, once again serving a mutual cause.  
  
Now whenever they play basketball together, it brings back memories. When it’s a close game and they might lose and Himuro’s heart is racing it takes all he can just to remind himself that it’s _only_ a game. The peril is not real. There are no swords (there aren’t even any shields).

But sometimes… sometimes it’s difficult to make the distinction. Sometimes he plays and there’s genuine fear, as if post-traumatic stress could occur even when the trauma didn’t even happen in this lifetime.

Sometimes, he is afraid. Sometimes it’s very easy to forget he will not die on a basketball court.

*  
  
He never used to be such a coward. He knows that much. In his past life, battle was as easy as playing basketball. There may have been anxiety at first, but the more he forgot the surer he became. He had been as certain of his skills with a blade as he is with his skills with a basketball.

So why is he so difficult now?

Because he remembers. He remembers how it ends.  
  
*  
  
He’s never talked about it. They’ve never talked about it. Once, he started, “Atsushi, do you remember—” and Murasakibara just looked at him and Himuro was too scared of the answer so he adjusted quickly with, “when your next test is? Coach was serious about benching you if you don’t bring up your grades.” Murasakibara had made a “tch” sound and Himuro cursed his own cowardice.  
  
*  
  
“Sometimes I forget that I serve the king,” the man Murasakibara had been once confessed.

“Don’t say that,” Himuro’s past self replied. “Such talk is treason.”

“I know. But it’s true. I don’t want to shield the king. I only ever want to shield you.”

Himuro had to kiss him then, only to silence to treasonous talk, only to make sure those words could never be said out loud again.

In so many ways, Murasakibara has always been the braver one.  
  
*  
  
On the basketball court, he remembers his death. _Their_ deaths. They died on the battlefield, with a broken shield at their feet. Murasakibara went down first, Himuro cut down soon after. They died staring at each other’s faces, hands clasped together.

“I wanted—” his shield began.

“Hush,” the sword replied. “I know, I know.”

Everyone spoke of death on the battlefield as a glory. But in those dying moments, Himuro did not feel glorious.

He felt only regret. Not because he died for his king, but that he could not live for this man.  
  
*  
  
Himuro watches the score, 58 to 56, and the peril isn’t real, it doesn’t matter that they’re losing, not really, but it freezes him up all the same.  
  
“It’s not the same thing, Murochin,” Murasakibara says quietly at Himuro’s side. Himuro looks up at him.  
  
“Atsushi, do you—”                                                                           
  
“It won’t happen the same way,” Murasakibara says, and then he moves away to defend his place under the basket.  
  
It’s possible Murasakibara is referring to their previous loss to Seirin. Or maybe he is referring to some other loss.


	2. Kasamatsu and Kise

Kise didn’t recognize her at first. He always thought he would; was _sure_ he would. He believed he would see her and just _know_ and he’d spent years thinking that when he did, he was going to make a really great first impression.

Instead, when he does meet her again, he is arrogant, and insulting, and makes her mad, and all because he didn’t recognize her right away.

But in his defense, he really didn’t expect her to reincarnate as a man.

*

In fact, it’s not until after the practice game with Seirin that he gets a clue. “You better add ‘revenge’ to that empty dictionary of yours,” Kasamatsu Yukio says.

Kise flinches, because it’s just what _she_ once told him, in just the same way she used to talk to him. And when Kasamatsu picks him up off the ground he thinks, _oh, just like her._ And then he thinks about how Kasamatsu kicks him, just like she did, and yells just like she did, and how much Kasamatsu’s eyes always reminded Kise of _her_ , and then he thinks _holy crap, how did it take me this long?_

*

“Senpai,” Kise wails. “I can’t believe you’re a dude! How could you?”

Kasamatsu grabs him by his collar and pulls him down, looking like he might punch him. “ _What_ was that?”

“I mean,” Kise doesn’t know how to finish that sentence. “You know it’s me, right? You have to; I look pretty much the same.”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

This is worse than finding out she came back as a man—it never occurred to him that she wouldn’t remember him.

*

He has always remembered her so clearly, even when he was just a child. And when he was old enough to start noticing girls all he could think about was how they didn’t compare to _her._

In middle school, he liked to flirt (he’d always been a flirt) but he couldn’t bring himself to date anyone; it would feel too much like infidelity. He would tell everyone, “My ideal girl is someone who won’t tie me down” because he wanted to scare them away, wanted them to know they shouldn’t look to him for a relationship.

The truth was, he was already tied down. He was bound so completely to this memory of a woman he’d never met, he could not imagine being with anyone who is not her.

And now he’s met her, and she is his senpai in his basketball club, and that senpai is a man, and that man doesn’t remember Kise at all.

*

Maybe Kise should take this as a sign to move on. Kasamatsu is a man who doesn’t remember his past life; Kise should just let it go.

(Surprisingly, the “man” part does not bother Kise as much as the “doesn’t remember” part. Kise had always considered himself heterosexual because he was in love with a woman, but now he realizes his mistake. He has only ever been sexually attracted to one person. First, a memory. Now, an angry man, two years older than himself. It’s not complicated at all).

Kise has spent a lifetime obsessing over this person and he’s willing to admit it’s unhealthy.

Probably he should move on.

_No,_ he thinks. _No. I don’t know how to stop wanting this._

*

He wants to say, _I loved you so long. I’ve always been faithful, do you believe that? No matter how many people asked me out, I wanted to wait for you, only for you. No one compares to you, not then, not now. You’re just as amazing now as you always were, and I can’t love anyone but you, only you, only forever you._

*

He had died for her. It’s how he would have wanted to die, except she had died too.

The enemy soldiers had breached the palace and he knew they would come for her; he’d sworn that nothing would happen to her as long as he had a breath in his body, and this much had been true. They’d cut through him and Kise died in failure and outrage and regret.

It’s how, after his reincarnation, he always knew he would meet her again.

Surely, this second chance exists so that this time, he can prove himself to her.

*

He sobs after the Winter Cup loss; and it’s not just basketball. _I wanted to win for you._ Because he’s thinking about how he failed last time; and they both died. And why can’t he ever get it right? He couldn’t protect the one he loved; he can’t even win a stupid basketball game.

Kasamatsu has his arm around him and Kise just wants to say, _One day we’ll have a lifetime and I’ll get it right, I swear._

And Kasamatsu says low, only for Kise to hear, “ _Idiot,_ you did your best, then and now, and that’s all that ever mattered to me.”

Kise stops crying, not believing his ears.

*

“Why didn’t you just tell me?” Kise demands, after.

Kasamatsu shrugged. “I guess it hurt when you didn’t recognize me right away. I figured you were disappointed I was a guy. And I like being a guy.”

Kise just stares at him, dumbfounded. “And you call _me_ an idiot?” he exclaims. “The only thing that ever mattered was _you._ ”

“You _are_ an idiot,” Kasamatsu returns. “For thinking it wasn’t exactly the same for me. I only ever needed you.”

Kise thinks he’s waited two lifetimes to hear those words.

It was worth the wait.


	3. Kagami and Kuroko

Kagami didn’t remember, not at first, but after the Winter Cup he started having dreams.

He’d never been a particularly vivid dreamer before; when he did dream it was usually about basketball. So he knew the dreams were more than dreams for that reason alone.

*

In his dreams, he’s always a woman. This never feels unusual while he’s dreaming, and it honestly doesn’t seem all that odd when he’s awake. As a woman, he is still very tall, and still very muscular, and he still eats a whole lot, so it doesn’t really feel all that different from who he is normally, except he has a lot more contempt for men.

*

_“This is my jewel,” the man says. “My most precious possession. You will not let any harm come to her.”_

_He says it with a smile on his face, but all she can think about is_ jewel _and_ possession _and_ my _and how like a man to reduce the woman he married to nothing more than something to be owned._

_“I’ll protect you with my life,” she says, only she addresses the woman directly, since she’s the one she will be guarding, and technically her employer, no matter who pays her bills._

_“I hope it will not come to that,” the woman says, her voice soft and polite._

*

When he wakes up he thinks about how much he has always admired elegant women. Women who are soft-spoken and polite, and naturally graceful, with that air of sophistication you really only see in historical dramas, and he thinks every woman he has ever admired has really only ever been the memory of this woman who appears in his dreams.

*

_She has always been a soldier; fancy things like dresses and flowers and tea parties were never going to be her life, and she sometimes feels awkward around women who are so effortlessly graceful. She tends to feel like a lumbering ox around them._

_“But you_ are _graceful,” the woman says, in her soft spoken tone that is always so polite and melodic. “I have seen you fight—it is so graceful, like a dance.”_

_She blushes, because no one has ever said such things about her before. “Fightin’ ain’t anything like dancin’, idiot,” she blusters, because she doesn’t quite know how to handle how she feels but she’s learned that it’s OK to address her mistress informally._

_The woman reaches over and holds her hand, and it’s soft like flower petals, and she feels her own skin grow warm at the touch._

*

The thing that stands out the most to Kagami is the fact that he knows he’s not exactly an imaginative guy. He’s pretty simple in a lot of ways and he likes things down-to-earth and right in front of him.

So when he suddenly starts feeling like he knows exactly how to fight with a glaive, and dreaming incredibly detailed costumes, and landscapes so vivid he swears he can smell the grass, he can’t help but feel like this isn’t his imagination.

He’s never kissed anyone, either. Much less…anything _more_ than that. And yeah, maybe it’s normal teenage boy fantasies when he starts dreaming about falling in love, and everything that comes with that, but the kisses feel real.

He remembers the taste, the press of lips, the scent and touch of their bodies together, and he feels like it’s not a fantasy, but memory.

*

“Kagami-kun has been very distracted lately.”

What he means is, Kagami’s had a hard time meeting Kuroko’s gaze lately, and yeah, that’s true. Kagami spends too much time staring at Kuroko when Kuroko isn’t looking and trying not to stare when Kuroko is looking; and considering they spend all their time together, it certainly makes things very—distracting.

Because he _knows_ , OK? He’s not completely clueless.

*

_“Run away with me,” she says, and she can’t even believe she’s saying it. It seems like the worst kind of arrogance to even suggest it. Because what is she offering, really? Come away with me, away from your fine house and fine clothes and your elegant life to live impoverished, forever wandering from place to place, down in the dirt with me. Ordinarily, she would never dare to offer such a thing, no matter how much she was in love._

_But. But the bruises and the cuts and the breaks grow worse each day. And she swore she would protect this woman with her life; she just hadn’t expected the man who is paying her to protect this woman to be the biggest threat._

_“It is a beautiful dream,” her mistress replies, sounding wistful. “But he would never let me go. He would never stop hunting us.”_

_This isn’t the objection she was expecting. This answer gives her hope. “That doesn’t matter! I’ll protect you! Please, love. Let’s leave this place, together.”_

*

Kagami thinks he’s going mad. Because even though he knew Kuroko first, all he can see is her now. And it’s getting a little confusing, because he’s not sure which one he’s in love with.

_Both,_ he thinks, _I’m in love with both._

*

_“Did you really think you could escape me, whore?”_

_She’s dying; she knows she’s dying. She’s been shot by too many arrows and she’s surrounded, but still she stands in front of the woman she loves._

_“We did escape you,” her lover says, in those calm and ever so polite tones. “You will never have me again.”_

_And this isn’t how she wanted it to end._

_But it still ends._

*

Kagami wakes up crying. He has never felt so much grief before and he hates it.

*

After practice that day, it’s just him and Kuroko. It’s much too much—he can’t keep silent anymore.

“I’ve been dreaming about you.”

And that isn’t what he meant to say _at all_ ; it sounds creepy, even to him.

Except Kuroko just nods. “Yes. I have been dreaming of you as well, Kagami-kun.”

Kagami thinks, _Not like this,_ but Kuroko meets his gaze then, solemn and sad, and Kagami thinks, _Oh. Exactly like this._

*

Later, when the sun has already set and they should both be home but neither one of them is ready to leave each other’s company, Kagami says, “You know what’s funny? I think I came back as a man this time so I could protect you better.”

Kuroko just smiles. “That _is_ funny. I think I came back as a man this time so I could be the one to protect _you._ ”

When Kagami kisses him, it tastes just like how he remembers.


	4. Furihata and Akashi

It would be hard to explain why Furihata Kouki was instantly afraid of Akashi Seijuurou the first time he sees him.

It’s not fear, not exactly. The intense desire to run away warring with being completely frozen in place by that stare. And of course he didn’t move, of course he didn’t run away; he would never be able to run from this man.

He’s spent lifetimes waiting to see him again.

*

Thousands of years ago, hundreds of lifetimes ago, he’d said, “I will wait for you. I swear it.”

His king, his emperor said, “Oh? You’re immortal and you never told me? Even after all we’ve been through?”

But he couldn’t joke back, not while his king was dying. “You’ll come back. The great kings always come back, don’t you know that? There’s always a prophecy, and you’ll be needed again. And when you do, I’ll be here. I’ll make sure of it.”

“Don’t—” his king started and stopped. He could see it in his eyes—what he meant to do. “I asked for your service and your loyalty. It does not extend after death. Don’t sacrifice any more than that.”

“Who said anything about sacrifice?” he replied. “My king, you do have my loyalty and my service. You always have. And you always will.”

*                      

They were never lovers, although even in their original lifetimes, no one believed it.

_“The king is a little too close to his sorcerer, don’t you think?”_

They always laughed at the rumors when they were alive. It was a little harder to deal with when he still got the accusations in his other lifetimes, when his king was not by his side to laugh with him.

“You cast a spell to return, again and again, to keep your memories, over and over again, all to wait for a man who was not your lover? Who could live such a misery for someone who is not your soulmate?”

He meets the woman (he thinks of her as a woman because she usually comes back as a woman. But of course there are the lifetimes when she is a man, just as there are lifetimes when he is a woman) every so often. There are a fair amount of people like him—the ones who return with their memories. But usually they’re not _exactly_ like him—usually they don’t remember every lifetime they’ve ever had and usually they don’t remember since birth.

But she’s like him—she and her lover both. They come back and they always remember each other and they always seek each other out. And she does not understand.

“He was my king. He is still my king. One day he will return, and I will meet him.”

“I could not suffer so all alone,” she says. “This eternity could not be bearable alone.”

“I would suffer this and more to see him again,” he replies sadly.

*

Every life he learns all over again how to adapt. How to keep quiet about what he remembers, how to be human, normal, average, how to stop being the greatest sorcerer that ever lived and advisor to the king.

He never learns how to let go, even if every new lifetime it gets harder and harder to still hold on.

He remembers his king and he waits.

*

The key to not going crazy is to find things in each new life to believe in. If he can’t serve his king, he’ll find other passions. In one life, he is an aviator. In another life, a suffragette. He’s been a soldier, a writer, a baker, an actress, a husband, a mother. He’s never famous, never _great_ at anything (he’s only ever been great at one thing: magic. And that’s not a valuable ability anymore), but he’s passionate about the little things, and he lives, and hopes, and he doesn’t go crazy.

In this life, a girl says, “become the best at something and I’ll go out with you”—he’s not going to be the best, he knows that, but it’s a reason to start playing basketball. In this lifetime, he figures, why not play basketball? This can be his thing, until the next life.

*

Then he meets Akashi Seijuurou.

_My king._

And he’s terrified. He’s waited for this for so long, he’s wanted this for so long; he’s never been more scared of anything else in any of his lives.

The only thing he can do is play basketball. He’ll figure out the rest later.

*

He had lifetimes to think about what he would do when he saw his king again, but now that it’s happened he’s got nothing. He doesn’t know how to approach someone and say, _Do you remember our life together? You ruled over everything and I was by your side and I swore I would always serve you._

So he doesn’t.

Not yet. He’s waited thousands of years; he can wait a few more months to figure things out.

*

Akashi appears at his door, unannounced and unexpected.

“Akashi?” Furihata stammers. “I—can I help you?”

Akashi tilts his head. “Perhaps. Or perhaps not.” Then, without further explanation, he leans in and grabs Furihata by the collar, pulling him in for a kiss.

Furihata yelps—not quite pulling away, not quite kissing back, not believing what is happening. “What—we’re not—Akashi, what are you—?”

“You swore you would wait for me. I swore to myself that if you did, if we had another lifetime again, I would make you mine. I wouldn’t waste time like our last life.”

“You— _remember?_ ” Furihata can’t even fully process the rest of what Akashi is saying. He can’t process anything at all.

“I didn’t at first. Not until after—I was myself again, not until after the game. Why didn’t you come forward then?”

“I—wasn’t sure how,” Furihata says. But it seems like a dumb excuse now. “I was scared. I’ve—waited a very long time.”

“Then we should make up for lost time,” Akashi says.


	5. Momoi and Aomine

Whenever Momoi Satsuki hears someone talk about how romantic the idea of a “soulmate” is she just wants to scream, _No, it_ ISN’T! _It’s not romantic at all! It’s the exact opposite of romance!_

Because this is what people don’t understand (because they couldn’t, because to them the idea of a “soulmate” is just some whimsical fiction, because they don’t know what it’s like to remember your past life, all of your past lives, and know what it is like to be tied to a single person every time): When you have a soulmate, it’s all about the inevitable. You know you’re going to fall in love with this person, you know they’re going to love you back, you know you’re going to be together forever, and there’s really no place for that heart pounding, adrenaline-inducing, head-over-heels madness that only comes with uncertainty.

It is not, in fact, very romantic at all when you meet the person you’re going to marry when you are three years old and the first thing he says is, “Oh good, you’re much prettier this time round. I hope you’re a better cook, too,” and know with that crushing (and depressing) certainty that this was the man you were going to spend the rest of your life with (regardless of the fact that in this life, he’s apparently kind of a jerk).

*

Their parents think it’s a game—“Isn’t it so cute how they pretend they’ve known each other in their past lives?”—but if they overheard some of their conversations they’d probably be a little more alarmed.

(Since usually their conversations sometimes went something like this: “Remember how in that one last time we died from plague?” “Yeah, but that wasn’t as bad as that one time I had my head cut off.” “I came out of that life OK.” “Yeah, but _my head was cut off._ ” “I know. Fun times.”)

They are children, but they are children with very long memories, and sometimes it’s hard being seven years old, with the person she loves most in all the world, forever across time. Because sometimes she remembers what it was like to love him so much she died for him, and other times he puts frogs down her back and she never wants to talk to him again, because let’s face it, he probably has cooties and he’s gross.

*

Although truthfully, she’s glad that it’s easy this time. They’re next-door neighbors, friends since childhood, growing up together. She doesn’t have to wait a lifetime to find him.

(In their last life, it took too long. She didn’t find him until they were both sixty years old. She’d been married twice already—because hey, she hates being alone, he knows that—and he was dying from lung cancer and poor life decisions. Maybe that’s why it’s easier this time, to balance it out).

She always hates it when it takes _too_ long. Because they both agreed that if they meet other people, might as well have a good time, but the lingering uneasiness that something is missing never goes away, and she spends all those years feeling lonely even though she’s surrounded by people.

*

She hates it when they don’t meet at all. It doesn’t happen often, but every time it does it’s this terrifying feeling of _what if I never meet him again?_

*

This time, he’s kind of a jerk, and when he gets older he talks a lot about big-breasted models and in retaliation she decides to have a crush on one of his teammates, but at least they’re together.

But this time, they’re together, and sometimes it’s still lonely, and that seems almost the most unforgivable thing he could ever do to her. (Even more so, than that lifetime when he killed her. Their next life, she betrayed him and he was executed, and they considered themselves even in the life after that, but still).

*

“Do you believe in fate?”

It is, all things considered, an incredibly absurd question for him to ask her, and surely he must know that. “Dai-chan, are you feeling OK?”

“I mean—not just us,” he amends, “But everything—do you think it all had to happen this way?” He talks about the Generation of Miracles, about Kuroko and Kagami, and it seems like something’s bothering him but she’s not sure what that is.

_We always happen this way,_ she thinks. He’s not thinking about them—he wants to know if everything is predetermined. But if the idea that basketball is a fated experience disturbs him somehow, what does that say about the two of them?

*

“Dai-chan, does it ever bother you that we never have a choice?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean _us._ It’s always going to be me and you. Don’t you ever just want to choose someone else?”

Aomine frowns—it’s a confused, angry sort of expression that softens out as he looks at her. “What are you talking about, Satsuki? I do have a choice.

“I just choose you every time.”

_Ah,_ she thinks. Maybe this is what a soulmate is: someone who chooses you every time and who you choose every time and maybe certainty isn’t so unromantic after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Momoi was the woman Furihata met in that last chapter, in case anyone was wondering =)


	6. Takao and Midorima

When his middle school basketball club loses against the infamous Teikou, Takao Kazunari rants viciously for hours about Midorima Shintarou.

“When I go to high school, I’m going to make him pay!” he vows. “Whatever team he’s on, I’m going to beat his so badly he will be too humiliated to ever show his face in public again!” He’d already been scouted by Shutoku, King of the East. He’s fairly confident that whatever team Midorima ends up in high school, Shutoku will be strong enough to face them, and he’ll get his revenge.

“Why are you so fixated on the Shooting Guard?” his friend asks quizzically. “You went up against the Point Guard; shouldn’t you be vowing revenge against _him?_ ”

“The Point Guard didn’t—” Takao has to literally bite his tongue to keep himself from finishing the sentence.

_The Point Guard didn’t kill me in our last life._

*

Takao is very skeptical whenever people talk about reincarnation as something inherently romantic. People always talk about the “great loves” of their previous lives, and it’s a really popular trope in literature and movies to imagine that the person you are lovers with now must also be someone you were lovers with in a previous life.

Bullshit.

Takao doesn’t really remember any great love from his previous life—oh sure, he remembers a few girlfriends, and a few boyfriends, and a few anonymous hookups—but no one he is desperately pining after and hopes to reunite again in this new life.

Instead, all he can remember is how much he hated the man who is now Midorima Shintarou. They had served rival lords, and Takao had considered Midorima as his own personal enemy because their jobs they performed for their lords were often in direct conflict. They’d had many battles; each with their own minor victories and humiliating defeats, all ending with Midorima’s ultimate victory when he killed Takao.

Even when he was very little, and his parents and teachers all accused him of having an overactive imagination, Takao still held a grudge that he’d ultimately lost in that last life. Remembering his past life doesn’t mean much to him—there’s no great love that he longs for, no unfulfilled mission, no desire to find his lord and serve him once more.

But he always felt that if he were to meet _that man_ again, this time it would be different. This time he would be the victor.

*

It is for this, and many other reasons, that Takao feels very cheated to discover Midorima Shintarou at Shutoku.

*

In fact, it’s downright _infuriating_ to be cheated this way. Because, sure, he could wait until college he supposes, but that would be ages away and still wouldn’t change the fact that they’re _on the same team now._

He even briefly debates transferring to another school, because notwithstanding the fact that he can’t beat Midorima if they’re on the same team, it just feels _wrong_ to be comrades now. Takao has spent far too long thinking of Midorima as the enemy, he’s honestly not even sure that he knows how to work with this man now.

*

Briefly, very briefly—such a small thought it can’t even be fully considered a thought—Takao toys with the idea of just outright killing Midorima. In terms of karma, it’s only fair.

But that’s a stupid idea, which is why it doesn’t even count as a thought.

The world is different now, anyway. Takao is pretty sure prison would not agree with him.

*

The only conclusion seems to be that if he can’t _beat_ Midorima, then he must make Midorima acknowledge his strength.

(It is, somewhat, humbling and infuriating to recognize that in this lifetime, Midorima has the overwhelming advantage in basketball. It is quite possible Takao wouldn’t have ever been able to beat him head on in this new sphere. But to make a haughty man like Midorima recognize Takao’s talent, well. That’s at least the next best thing).

*

“Do you have some grudge against me?”

It’s enough to want to make Takao laugh, or cry. He doesn’t want to break down and sob, and he doesn’t want to strangle the other man (which is the other tempting option) so he laughs instead and says, “Yeah, you could say that.”

_You murdered me. It was just business, I would have done the same to you if I had the chance, and I certainly did try often enough, but you still killed me and yeah, I have a grudge._

He can’t say any of that, though.

It is slightly humiliating to think Midorima _doesn’t_ remember the fact that they are mortal enemies. Even more humiliating than the fact that Midorima doesn’t remember him at all. (But then, Takao supposes, he would have made very little impression in middle school, if this man didn’t remember their past life).

Instead, he talks about basketball. It seems like enough of an answer.

*

This is what Takao tells himself: I am staying near Midorima only so that I better have a chance at revenge. It’s the kind of strategic plan he wouldn’t have been able to pull off in their last life, when they both knew they were enemies, but it’s his best advantage now. If he pretends they are friends, then he has the upper-hand. He can make Midorima acknowledge his strength _and_ study his weaknesses, all at the same time. When the time comes (college, Takao decides, or later) then Takao will be in the perfect position to carry out his vengeance.

So he shows up wherever Midorima is. He carries him around in a rickshaw, he insists they hang out, he calls Midorima by a ridiculous nickname, and slowly he’s breaking down Midorima’s defenses.

*

He doesn’t know when that changes. When he stops pretending to be Midorima’s friend and actually becomes Midorima’s friend. But he knows exactly when he has to stop lying to himself: it’s after the Rakuzan game, and Midorima looks so defeated, and Takao feels that defeat just as keenly, and all he wants to do is embrace Midorima and share their pain together.

He crosses his arms, to keep himself from doing just that. _Shit,_ he thinks. _This sucks._

*

It’s like losing once more, falling in love with Midorima.

It’s like Midorima has killed him all over again.

*

Takao has to avoid Midorima for a couple days after that. After the Winter Cup is over, he tries to limit their contact.

Except Midorima is not cooperating. Now, Midorima is the one who shows up where Takao is, Midorima is the one who is always around.

“Stop following me,” Takao finally has to cry out in frustration.

“Stop avoiding me,” Midorima returns.

“I’m not—don’t be ridiculous, Shin-chan,” Takao says.

“No?” Midorima says. Then suddenly he steps forward and they’re kissing. Takao spends a quiet second in complete shock—he would have never pegged Midorima as the kind of guy who would make the first move, much less someone who would kiss with such enthusiastic force. Takao responds with equal aggression before pulling away.

“Wait, this isn’t—”

“Do you want this?” Midorima says, his voice husky with want and Takao is utterly defenseless to the sound of it. “If you don’t, tell me know, and we won’t speak of it again.”

Takao knows a challenge when he hears one, and he’s never once backed down from a challenge from this man, not once. “Hell yes, I want this.”

Because no matter how many lifetimes Takao remembers, he’s still a teenage boy now, and kissing is by far the most important thing he can be doing right now.

*

Much, much later, when things are good between them, and Takao thinks he’s found peace, which is probably better than vengeance anyway, Midorima is over at his house and they’re studying. Takao’s mother brought them a fruit platter for a snack.

Takao picks up a strawberry idly, and it’s halfway to his mouth before Midorima slaps it out of his hand.

“Don’t eat that, you fool, you know—” Midorima doesn’t finish the sentence.

Takao stares at him, feeling a bit like Midorima just punched him in the face. Slowly, with hands shaking, Takao picks up another strawberry and eats it. “I’m not allergic to strawberries, Shin-chan,” Takao says quietly. “Not in this lifetime.”

Midorima doesn’t respond. He doesn’t meet Takao’s stare.

“How long have you remembered?”

He watches Midorima swallow, watches him debate lying, watches the moment Midorima slumps in defeat. “Since we first met. In middle school.”

“You—” Takao doesn’t know how to finish the sentence.

“I chose Shutoku because of you,” Midorima says quietly.

“So this was _all a lie?_ ” Takao leaps to his feet, not sure what he’s going to do. He’s so furious and betrayed he thinks he might actually murder, here and now. “To _win_ again?”

“No!” Midorima cries, getting to his feet, reaching towards Takao. Takao pulls away, because if Midorima touches him now he might go mad. “No, Takao. I—I didn’t want to be your enemy.”

Takao laughs and it’s such a bitter sound Midorima flinches at the sound of it.

“I swear it. I didn’t even want to be your enemy _then._ ”

“You had a funny way of showing it,” Takao snaps, wondering why he expected anything different from the man who killed him.

Midorima winces again. “I—I couldn’t live with what I’d done. I killed myself soon after. I know you won’t believe me, but I loved you, even then. I wanted—I wanted a second chance. To get it right this time. I wanted to be your ally, not your enemy. That’s the only reason I pretended I didn’t remember. I wanted—please, Takao, I wanted _you._ ”

It would be easy to get his revenge now. All he has to do is walk away, never speak to Midorima again, break Midorima’s heart. The perfect vengeance.

But. Breaking Midorima’s heart is all well and good, but Takao doesn’t want to break his either. He finally slumps, rage slipping away, so that when Midorima reaches for him and pulls him towards him, he doesn’t move away this time.

“I’m sorry,” Midorima says.

“Not good enough,” Takao says, his voice muffled into Midorima’s shirt. “You better make it up to me.”

“For the rest of our lives,” Midorima promises. “And after.”

**Author's Note:**

> I sorta figure they all have this same fantasty-esque first life. I have some headcanons for that first life which I might post on tumblr at some point. If you're interested in more short fic and endless random anime reblogs, feel free to check out my tumblr at umisabaku.tumblr.com =D
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! Kudos and comments are greatly appreciated. You guys are all so lovely =)


End file.
